Q Dear Gay Uncle,
My sister came to stay for a few days after the break up with her boyfriend, and the days turned to a week and then a couple of weeks. It’s now been 6 weeks and she’s no nearer leaving. It’s driving both me and my boyfriend nuts. I’ve only got a one bedroom apartment, she’s been sleeping out on the couch and her clothes are everywhere.
A few nights ago my boyfriend walked out as he can’t stand the mess. I’ve tried to speak to my sister but she just cries and then complains to our Mother, who then calls me to say I’m uncaring.
My boyfriend has said I can go to his place, but while my sister is at mine he’d rather not come over. I can’t blame him. Since she’s been staying, the place has turned into a real dump.
She’s got a place to stay, she shares with her friend on the edge of town, but I suspect that since my place is the same walking distance to her job as it was from her ex boyfriend’s that’s her reason for not moving out. She’s got a huge problem with getting up in the morning, she lost her last job as she was always late.
How can I get my sister to leave?
Craig F.
A Craig,
Simple. Just tell her straight out: you love her, you appreciate she’s had an emotional time, but now it’s time for her to move back to her own home.
If she needs to live closer to work then she’ll have to move closer, not over-stay her welcome at your place.
I’d suggest saying she has two days to pack up and leave. If she kicks up a fit, let her; don’t back down; she can’t get away with outstaying her welcome. If your Mother gets involved, then suggest she could put her up for six weeks. See how she reacts to that. At the end of the two days, if she’s no nearer moving out, pack her suitcases, change the lock of your apartment, and when she tries to come in just pass over her baggage.
As for your boyfriend, he’s offered for you to go to his place, and I have to admit that after six weeks of being around that mess, I’d prefer to stay clear of the situation, too. If you’re not living together, then he’s being wise in avoiding your family conflict.
Best of luck to you. Family squabbles are always a bit painful, but in the end, with a little clear communication and some deliberate action, you can resolve things and keep the family peace.
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