Dear Gay Uncle: My messy husband is driving me crazy

Q Dear Gay Uncle,

When I got with my partner, we moved in together after a couple of years, everything was wonderful but I find him very annoying with certain small things. He leaves the cap off the toothpaste, lets the waste bin fill up beyond what is healthy, and leaves all the kitchen pots on the kitchen counter to be washed overnight after cooking us a meal. I’ve asked him to clean up himself and he does okay for a few days, but then goes back to his old ways. What should I do? Is this endangering our relationship?

Tad H

A Tad,

Really? My suggestion is for you to put the lid on the toothpaste, offer to empty the bin, and after he’s cooked you a meal, wash up the pots and pans before you go to bed. I wonder what his complaints about you might be. No one is perfect, and it’s foolish to expect a perfect partner. You’re together for a reason, I presume. Thinking about ending a relationship for something so small is very petty!

Walked in on my husband with another man

Q Dear Gay Uncle,

I was planning a big surprise for my husband. He was away on a work trip and I decided to fly out and join him for the weekend. I arrived at the hotel and discovered he was sleeping with his assistant. I turned tail and walked away. He’s phoned me and said it was a one time thing, but I didn’t believe him.

When I got home I went through his desktop computer and found his work diary and it seems it’s been going on for a year.

I don’t want to be with him anymore, and never thought I’d have an unfaithful husband. I just can’t imagine being with him anymore.

What should I do?



A K,

I’d suggest speaking with your husband and try to understand why he’s lied and cheated, even just to comprehend why he decided to have an affair.  But it is up to you to decide if you want to stay with someone who is unfaithful.

If this is the end of the relationship, end it with clarity and full communication with as little drama as possible.

It’s been a while since …

Q Dear Gay Uncle,

It’s been nearly four years since I was with a man. It’s not really been a big issue for me. But I’ve met a guy who likes me and he’s asked me out. At first I thought it was as mates but then realised it was something more. I ran scared when he invited me home. However, he called the next day, and I explained it’s been a while since I broke up with my ex. He was very understanding and invited me out again.

I’m really anxious that I won’t perform very well. He’s said he’s happy to take things slow. Why am I feeling so nervous?



A K,

Your nerves are natural. Just go with the flow, it’s not as though it’s your first time. When going with a new lover you’ll soon find your groove again. Enjoy it, don’t fear it. It’s a fun new adventure.  This is some of what makes life exciting.

Dad just came out, and mom is being unfair

Q Dear Gay Uncle,

My father divorced my mother three years ago, and they continued living together as they are still best friends. My mother has a gentleman friend and my father is good friends with him. A few months ago my father came out, he said he had always known but not acted on it.

When I came out years ago, he and my mother were very supportive. So when my father told us he was gay, I was surprised but very accepting. My mother, though, became hysterical, demanding he leave the house. My dad moved in with me for a few days, but eventually my mother calmed down and he moved back home.

My mother has put ground rules down that my father doesn’t bring anyone home. I feel this is unfair as she has her gentleman friend stay over a few nights a week. Should I say how unfair she’s being?

My father hasn’t acted on being gay, but says he just felt he needed to come out and be his true self.

Elmer S


A Elmer,

Don’t get involved in their living situation. Your mother and father need to work out a balance between the two of them. They share a house together and need to address their own ground rules.

Be there for your father. He may well have come out, but when (and if) he acts on doing something, he will need someone to talk with. You must remember how it was when you first came out and ventured into a more physical relationship with someone. Be the friend to him that you needed at that time. And your mother and father will sort it out over time.

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