Dear Gay Uncle: My Sister Outed My HIV+ Boyfriend

Q Dear Gay Uncle,

For the last year I’ve been dating a guy who’s HIV+, he’s undetectable and healthy. I’m negative and taking the appropriate measures to remain so.

I haven’t said anything to friends or family, as it is none of anyone’s business. My sister found out when she came over and spotted his medication in the bathroom cabinet. She googled the prescription and then announced it to everyone.

Some have been supportive, others have sent flowers and bought around baked goods and others like my parents and sister have over reacted to epic proportions.

I really can’t forgive my sister. My partner is cool with everything, he’s open about his status if people ask, he’s even offered to speak with my family. He’s been HIV+ for nearly 15 years, and says he’s been through much worse with previous partners’ families.

I feel total hatred towards my sister, and said she had no right to do what she did. She’s now playing the victim card!

What should I do?



A Do nothing. Don’t over explain. Don’t apologise and don’t fuel the drama.

Your partner sounds like a well-adjusted guy, and that’s a great asset.

If people have questions let them ask them and you can choose to answer them or not.

As to your sister… cool off contact for a while. Her reaction is hers. What she’s done is not helpful. I’m not condoning what she’s done. But, it’s her reaction and how she’s dealt with things. Let the dust settle.

Q Dear Gay Uncle,

For some time now I’ve been distancing myself from an old friend.

I think she has an alcohol dependency issue. She had a fashion business years ago, it folded with loads of debts and she coasted by with ball gown and formal wear business.

She set up a ‘yummy mummy’ blog site that she portrayed herself as a diligent single mother of three and got quite a following with lots of admiration from people who didn’t know the real her. Her kids have been in and out of police stations, on at risk care registers throughout their time living with her.

Fortunately they’ve left home, but on her blog they’re still living at home. Since they’ve left, her partying antics have increased. She had an official police warning last weekend after she drunkenly bared her breasts in a Kebab shop with the hope of getting a free Kebab. The owners wife was in the back of the shop and phoned the police.

My main issue is she has been drunk driving. I’ve tried to tell her to stop. But she still does it and just waves any comments off. I’ve tried to rally mutual friends around to make an intervention but there’s a general apathy regarding her, most people have stepped away due to her behaviour. I’ve stopped going out with her socially. However she does have a crowd of people around her most of the time, but this is mainly because she picks up the bill so they all get free drinks.

What should I do?

Name withheld


A You’ve tried to discuss things and that’s not worked. When you see her driving drunk again call the police and keep doing so until it’s resolved.

Some individuals can’t be warned and treated with with gentle consideration. It’s a sad reality that some people won’t get help or try to change until they’ve hit rock bottom. She sounds as though she needs a hard shock to jolt her from her current behaviour pattern.

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