Working with my ex, and my boyfriend is worried…

Q Dear Gay Uncle,

My boyfriend is demanding I leave the job I love because an ex has started work at the same company. I had a relationship with him years ago when we worked together at another firm, and the relationship went south when he had an affair with someone else. It took me a long time get over it, and a lot of time in therapy, however, I resolved my personal issues and also resolved my feelings with my ex. Although we’ve not been in each other’s pockets, we have been civil to each other and even returned cards at birthdays and Christmas. I actually suggested he apply for the job, as he has the right skill set and would be great for a five year project I am running.

My partner does not know that it was me that was instrumental in bringing him on, and has got increasingly touchy when I’ve had work calls from him in the evening and when we are together.

I don’t want to leave my job as I’m on a fast track to partnership. How can I keep my partner happy? He knows about my history with my ex, and how much it took me to get over him. I’m not interested in my ex romantically, it’s just he is the best man for the job.

William J.


A William, you are playing with fire here.

Inviting an ex that caused you so much pain and anguish back into your life is very dangerous. Your partner is right to be worried. However, demanding you to give up your job isn’t right either.

How to keep your partner happy, that’s a tricky one as you are holding back vital information that if revealed could cause even more bad feeling.

If at all possible see if you can distance yourself from the ex, or see if you can get him transferred onto another project at your firm.

It’s going to be very challenging keeping the status quo at home and work, especially as you have invited the ex back into your life. It would be worthwhile re-visiting therapy to discuss through your motivations that created this situation.


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