Q Dear Gay Uncle,

I don’t know how to stop causing arguments and bad feelings. I’ve lost jobs and boyfriends because of it. Recently a friend who I’ve had for years has said he needs time out from me. I’m quite shy and use sarcasm as a default setting, sometimes it works and laughter follows. But recently it’s caused arguments, rifts and last weekend a bar fight. My best friend ended up with a black eye.

I go out with all the best intentions, and plan to think before I speak but then I fall back into old habits.

What can I do to change?

Brendan T.


A Brendan,

It is somewhat worrying that your comments are causing bar fights and leaving friendships in tatters.

My suggestion is that you seek out regular therapy because a few lines of advice here probably won’t create the change you’re looking for. It sounds as though your anxieties are manifesting in making comments to cause a reaction, and this is now spilling over to other peoples lives. Sarcasm is often a mask to cover insecurities and even shyness. Sometimes it can be funny, but often it isn’t. And in your case, it’s actually creating trouble.

A therapist can help you work through your anxieties and create coping mechanisms that you can use in everyday life.

In the meantime, there are some coping mechanism you can consider pursuing on your own. These can include meditation and relaxation techniques, creating time for yourself, and physical activities to run off some steam.

However, therapy would be a good first step.


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