Q Dear Gay Uncle,

In a few short few sentences, I met a guy, we dated for a couple of weeks, I felt a connection, then he the dropped off the radar, no phone calls, emails, his dating profile was deleted. His number doesn’t work anymore and emails bounce back. We did meet up, so I know I wasn’t imagining that he existed. But as I don’t have his address or his surname, I can’t even find out any more information about him.

A friend said it sounded like catfishing, but surely that’s when the person is only a fake profile, not a real person.

What are your thoughts?

Jeremy G.

A Jeremy,

The catfishing definition is “to lure someone into a relationship by adopting a fictional online persona.” As you actually met him and dated, this is something different.

It does sound peculiar, but not all that uncommon. When I was dating, I met a guy that introduced himself under one name, but that wasn’t his actual name. When I found out about this, he explained he did it as he wanted to get to know me more before he told me more about himself. It was his coping mechanism as he’d been hurt in previous relationships. It was an unhealthy way to protect himself. Naturally I brought things to an end as we were dating on an unhealthy foundation.

There could be many reasons why the guy you met did what he did. He could have been a married man or a partnered guy looking for some fun, or merely someone visiting your area and looking for a diversion. The list could go on. But whatever the reason, it has “fear” and “hiding” written all over it — not a good basis to build a relationship. Unfortunately, it’s probably going to be something you may never have an answer to. But take some comfort in knowing you likely dodged a bullet there.


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