Dear Gay Uncle: My messy friend wants to move in

Q Dear Gay Uncle,

My friend went through a rough time with a split with his partner. For a few weeks he stayed in my spare room while he was getting himself sorted. He is a messy person and I was relieved when he finally moved out into a new house share. I didn’t comment on his messiness as I knew it was just short term and he was going through a rough time.

I quite liked having a housemate, though. It was pleasant to have someone to come home to and chat with, so I signed up to a website where travelling actors could stay for a few days or weeks while their show was in town. This has worked out really well. I’ve had free theatre tickets, met a few great people who’ve become friends, and had a little romance out of it.

My friend, who originally stayed with me, is in another sticky situation. He’s lost his job and can’t pay his rent. As I didn’t charge him last time he’s asking to move in with me while he gets himself sorted out again. I’ve said I’ve got people booked in, so couldn’t. I didn’t and got caught out when he sent a message via the actor rental website with a dummy account asking to book in.

He’s now asked why I lied to him, and making me feel guilty.

How should I react?

Jon T.


A Jon,

Hmm, just be honest with him.

Say you value the friendship but don’t want him to stay with you, and that you were using the room being booked as a gentle way to let him down. If anything he’ll feel a little petty trying to catch you out.



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JONATHAN WELFORD heads up, a relationship and dating coaching practice.  Writer and author, sometimes TV presenter, Jonathan is a trained Life Coach specializing in dating & relationships. He lives with his Scottish husband in Manchester, UK.

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