Finding the Right Partner – For You

I went to a dance the other night, a contra dance, kind of like square dancing, where you change partners down the line. So one woman had to dance in the “male” role to even the numbers. My male partner and I had danced down the line with about eight people — him with women, me with men — and then I came to the woman in the male role, and I danced my turn with her.

Her hands were so soft, her whole aspect so feminine (because she’s a WOMAN!), and it felt distinctly strange.

I thought, “Yeah, it’s just not for me. I completely understand how some women are drawn to women sexually but yeah, no. Not for me.” It just struck me as interesting — and I thought of many of you.

I thought about how I would feel if I were told, as a straight woman, that I could only choose from women, that men were off-limits. Panic would ensue. I am just not attracted to women like that. I don’t want to be with a woman. I thought of every good thing about my husband that I love — and his being male wraps up the whole package — for me. Not just sex — that’s only one element. But just the fact that he’s a man. He fits me. He balances me. He brings to the equation what I want and need.

For me, to have to choose a woman would mean I am permanently a misfit. An impostor.

For you who are LGBTQ, I got a big insight into how it would be to have to choose a partner in life who goes against your orientation. I get it. Times a million. (After all, mine was for about eight seconds, versus every minute of every day for you.) But it was enough to say I would not want to be there.

For those of you who face with on a daily basis — those who are told to fake it and be with a gender you were not created to be with — those who are condemned and rejected simply because you love someone who is perfect for you… I am so sorry for the pain it brings to your life and your heart.

I will continue to advocate for, and celebrate your right to love who you were created to love.

To find the partner who is perfect for you.

[To read more from Susan Cottrell, visit]

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SUSAN COTTRELL is a national speaker, teacher, and counselor with years of Biblical study and discipleship experience. Her books include: Mom, I’m Gay – Loving Your LGBTQ Child Without Sacrificing Your Faithas well as How Not to Lose Your Teen and The Marriage Renovation. Through her nonprofit organization – – Susan champions the LGBTQ community and families with her characteristic tender-heartedness, and she zealously challenges Christians who reject them with her wise insistence that “loving God and loving others” are the foundation of the rest of the scripture, just as Jesus said.

She is the Vice-President of PFLAG Austin, and her “Mom, I’m Gay” book has been endorsed by The Human Rights Campaign and others. Sharon Groves, PhD, HRC’s Religion & Faith Program Director says, “I often get asked by parents for resources that can address the struggles of raising LGBT sons and daughters without having to leave faith behind. Susan Cottrell’s book, Mom, I’m Gay, does just that. This is the kind of book that parents will love.”

She and her husband have been married more than 25 years and have five children – one of whom is in the LGBTQ community. She lives in Austin, Texas, and blogs at and here in IMPACT Magazine’s FreedHearts and Jesus Blog columns.