“Be self propelled, believing, daring and un-afraid on your journey. In and under all circumstances be authentically you!”
How can you be, or live a life of authenticity when many in society demand conformity? How can you live your truth, love, and best life as a lesbian, when many would prefer you lie, hide, or even change your image, to meet their expectations? Why is it, the word fear gives the illusion of having more power then that of faith?
Forty years ago, when my partner and I stepped out of our long term marriages, leaving family, children, friends and security behind, we entered the darkness of fear, confusion, anxiety, guilt and more questions than answers. This un-sought after and un-expected awakening to a love, neither of us knew anything about, dealt a crushing blow to our husbands and children, as well as ourselves.
Kate and I had good marriages, great husbands and children that we lived for. We were family friends and living the American dream, so we thought. Still, our surprise encounter at a nearby prayer meeting was the catalyst that opened the door to a friendship and love that would prove us at every turn. Unable to live a double life, with all the fear and grief that it carries, Kate and I risked it all by stepping out into the light, revealing the truth that we were lesbians. We were nearly swallowed up by the demands, threats, fears, opinions and rejections of family, friends, prayer partners and others, who no longer saw us as Sidney and Kate. We were assigned the label of lesbians, which negated all that we had ever been, to all who had known and loved us. We had, in the blink of an eye, become ineffective, invalid, and even invisible to many.
Whoever you are and whatever your lifestyle, don’t bow to fear and intimidation. You need not be ashamed or cower in the dark; you need not pretend, lie or live a life that’s less than what you envision for yourself, or your partnership.
Perhaps you were taught that loving yourself was egotistical and selfish, yet how can you truly learn to love another if you don’t love yourself? How can you give what you don’t have? How can you have a deep, long lasting and loving partnership, if you haven’t partnered first with yourself and who you choose to be?
You have an in-born right to happiness, freedom and equality; a God given right, to seek self-awareness, self-knowledge, self-worth and self -actualization. Society may not agree with whom you live and love, but that doesn’t matter. Live your truth and love your best, anyway!
As each of us face down fear and live our authentic truth, we set an example and empower others to do the same. We no longer hide, but throw the door open wide and step out into the light of freedom to claim all that love has to offer.
Some secrets we discovered…
Kate and I discovered the secrets to finding and maintaining a rich and rewarding partnership/marriage are never giving up, never giving in to the pressures of the world outside your eyes, never settling for less than the best love and life have to offer, never compromising your dreams, wishes and goals, and at all times choosing not to have an ordinary partnership/marriage, when you can create an extraordinary life together.
Sure, there are obstacles, but don’t be dismayed or sidetracked; see them as stepping stones to greater opportunitie. Yes, there are mountains to climb and rivers to cross; see them as growth spurts on your path to a greater love, because growth spurts serve to strengthen the love that binds you. If you love your partner/spouse as you wish to be loved, no one or nothing can sabotage your journey together. Your partnership/marriage will unfold in the exact proportion to the effort you put into it. Authentic love will, in every way, embrace the path that you two agree to walk. Respect each other and the path and longevity will follow. An amazing path will open that at times will leave you awestruck. Even today, all these years later, Kate and I look back in awe of the love that found us, along with the love and faith that has nourished and sustained our, sometimes, miraculous journey.
Finally, be mindful that in a partnership/marriage, two people become a team unbeatable when they step in unison to the same thoughts, goals, dreams and wishes. Each chooses to grow together, rather than apart. They have the stamina, determination and courage to strive for living their best life, regardless of the obstacles, problems or issues that rise up before or between them. In and under all circumstances, they are a team unconquerable, and do not compromise their gifts. Share your gifts by giving back. Speak and write words that motivate, inspire, encourage and heal, and remember that when your life appears to be falling apart, it’s really falling together for the first time.
Choose to live you best life now!
Email any questions or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
SIDNEY ANDREWS is a lesbian author, public speaker, freelance writer, retired nurse and the mother of three grown children. She is the author of two books, Journey into Thought: Awakening to Spirit and A Fall to New Heights: A Love Crept in Un-awares. She resides in Florida with her partner of nearly forty years, Kate. You may read more of her work at her web site and blog at sidney-andrews.com.