How To Avoid Finding the Wrong Person Online

Over the past decade, online dating has been an increasingly popular method for just about anyone and everyone to find dates or activity partners.

It provides a certain degree of simplicity and ease. Instead of being forced to engage in sometimes awkward social situations, dating sites offer members a platform to network with like-minded individuals without leaving the safety and convenience of their comfort zone. With more and more people actively participating in the online community, and the modern socially-accepted culture of seeking a date online, there are plenty of reasons why dating apps are now the choice of many.  (Check out this post for a list of 25 popular gay-dating sites.)

Dating site members come from all over the world and from all walks of life. Some are financially challenged and others are wealthy.  Some are single and others are in complicated relationships or even married.  The member-base comprises all kinds of people from diverse backgrounds, experiences, and with varying types of characteristics and traits.

You may search for people with similar interests, or for those completely different than yourself. Dating sites can be invaluable tools for finding the person of your dreams by linking members together and providing a medium for connection and discussion – and all without leaving the comfort of your own home.

While searching for the one person you may truly have a love connection with, you will likely have to chat with and get to know a long list of potential suitors. This is not an easy task. Unless you happen to connect with an unusually honest and upfront person, the guy or girl on the other end will likely put on their “best face” for you, and present all kinds of attractive benefits that they bring to the table in a partnership in order to land you as their next love. It becomes a game of skillfully creating the right impressions and saying the right things.

Don’t get distracted

That whole approach can become very distracting for the serious hunter. For example, while you are searching for true love, you might meet a man or woman online who has a lot of money. This person might then begin to shower you with gifts – and who doesn’t like that, right? You’d probably really enjoy the treat. But although this may benefit you in superficial terms of gifts and goodies, it can lead you to forget all about finding the person who is actually meant for you.  You’ve become distracted. You may be convinced that this wealthy person is indeed what you’ve been searching for. But in those moments, it is important to remind yourself of the type of person you wanted when you first joined the site. Do not get side-tracked by temporary attractions.

Use the Profiles and Chat

The profiles available on dating sites make it very easy for everyone to find people with characteristics and physical attributes that they would want in their partner. Take the time to actually read what the person says about himself or herself. The words they use, the activities they highlight, as well as the pictures they post, all offer clues to the type of person you’re dealing with.  It’s definitely worth your time to spend a few minutes thinking about how they present themselves.

But the profiles should not be used solely to satisfy your sexual curiosity. This can be another distraction.  Use the profiles  as a tool to identify someone who may potentially be the person of your dreams, who has the personality and lifestyle you want to join with your own. Most online dating sites and phone apps have features where two members can connect and chat directly. Take advantage of this safe way to connect. Most of the time, you don’t even need to give your real phone number or personal email address. Taking the time to “chat” helps to confirm that the person on the other end is indeed who they claim to be, and gives you enough space to determine what your degree of interest is.  Is this someone you want to become friends with, or maybe just meet for a few casual dates, a quick hook-up, or is this someone with long-term potential?

Be Discrete

One key strategy in avoiding becoming entangled with the wrong person online is to not reveal too much of yourself too soon.  There are scammers and con-men, as well as “robots” whose only function is to get you to go to another site and hand over credit card info or subscribe to another service.  Many scammers or potential scammers already have a set story in their minds about who their pretend-self is. It is usually someone who is too good to be true, or appeals to you on really emotional levels. If you meet someone online who is too good to be true, well, you know the rest.  Find out first through genuine evidence, through other sources or contact outside the dating site, if they are the person they claim to be. It is only then you can determine what benefit they bring you — and help you learn what contributions you may bring to the table in a relationship with them. That way, you’ll get a better idea if the person on the other end is with you because they genuinely want to know more about you, if they’ve been sincere about what they want, and are not just trying to be the person they think you want them to be because you revealed too much too soon.

Using online dating sites and phone apps can be a good tool in helping you find the person of your dreams. And by using some common sense — and avoiding common mistakes — you can keep the process fun as well as safe.
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Russian Fan, who prefers to keep his identity secret, is a freelance writer based in the USA. A keen reader, and inspired by romance fiction authors, he enjoys writing about relationships, and offers romantic advice and tips for and other Russian dating sites.