The pieces of me that often remain
scattered
because I don’t like to see the
total picture
have caused me to suffer
identity crisis.
The pain I went through
only to see a total mess caused me to
shake my life
like an Etch-A Sketch
to see if I could try again,
but to no avail.
To reminisce
on love lost
friends lost
and family
made me feel as if I was
unworthy
hopeless
and lost
to an ever running cycle of emptiness
until God found me.
Without taking the responsibility of
the things I have done
in drunken state of mind or sober
I had to face those nightmares turned reality moments
in order to have some type of
peace
in my life.
I learned that
I was
and still am
HUMAN
although there are titles connected to
my name
and for some that places me on a
higher pedestal
I remain
HUMAN.
I had to accept that I
make mistakes
and that my way is not the only way.
I had to learn how
to first love God
then myself,
and then take on the responsibility and privilege of
loving others.
God held the mirror of
truth
right in front of my face and
for once I was able to stare right back
at the reflection.
I was able to stare at
the bruises
that through many tears,
prayers,
and conversations
of forgiveness were eventually
removed.
I was able to stare into
my own eyes
to see the depth of my soul and
now being purified caused the best reaction,
I SMILED.
I smiled knowing that
I am beautiful,
knowing that
I am blessed,
knowing that
I am anointed,
knowing that
I am loved, and
knowing that
I am the child of the most high God.
Who knew that
love could feel
like this?
It felt better than any
intimate encounter that
I could ever have
or even make up.
It felt better than
accolade
or award
that I could ever achieve.
It felt better than
the warmth of the sun
beaming down on my skin
on spring time day.
I was finally
free
from my past
only to face
the future.
Who knows what God will do
next,
but I am dedicated to walking along
the path
He leads me upon,
dedicated to the
journey
that I call my
LIFE.
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Jase Simpson is a ordained minister and author of Lord, Here I Am
The book is 1st installment of its series that speaks on the church and its response to homosexuality. It talks about life, relationships, HIV, parents, and GOD, and is available on Amazon.com
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