Bringing you the best in independent LGBTQ writing on life & faith

New Hope – Ex-Gay Survivor

New Hope

Every Story Matters

Posted by on Dec 15, 2014 in New Hope | 0 comments

Every Story Matters

I’ll never forget the night I was surfing the web and came across Impact’s website: Where Faith, the Real World and Gay Life Intersect.  My mouse instinctively directed my fingers to the “Write for Us” tab located in the top far right corner of the screen. “Why not,” I thought to myself, “Maybe somebody will find my musings interesting.” Honestly, after that first submission, I didn’t give it another thought.  Lo and behold, the editor, Steve, contacted me a week or so later and . . . well, here we are. I admit I wrestle with...

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Penny

Posted by on Dec 8, 2014 in New Hope | 0 comments

Penny

L.T. Miller shares another scene in a continuing story about his adventures in (and coming out of) an ex-gay ministry. I was floundering around like a lone fish washed ashore on a deserted island – tired of fighting crashing waves, tired of feeling defeated. I was wandering aimlessly through life asking myself existentialist questions that went unanswered. I had just completed two years at a local community college and had been accepted to the University of North Carolina. I was considering a double major in English and History. But was that...

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Forgiveness

Posted by on Dec 1, 2014 in Featured, Get Real, New Hope | 2 comments

Forgiveness

L.T. Miller shares another scene in a continuing story about his adventures in (and coming out of) an ex-gay ministry. During our house meeting that night, we were instructed to break into pairs. The assignment was for each of us to share a painful childhood memory and then pray for one another. I sat cross legged on the floor, feeling exposed and vulnerable. I’ll never forget the sight of Liam stretched out on the bottom bunk – tears streaming down his face. I felt nothing from him but unyielding love and compassion. We sat in silence for a...

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Outside the Lines

Posted by on Nov 24, 2014 in New Hope | 2 comments

Outside the Lines

L.T. Miller shares another scene in a continuing story about his adventures in (and coming out of) an ex-gay ministry.   If you’ve been reading my posts then you probably realize by now that I like to skip around. My thoughts have always been tangential. I get distracted easily, forget what somebody told me just five minutes before, and repeat myself to the point of extreme annoyance. My friends sometimes call me Spaz. The DSM defines this as Attention Deficit Disorder – but since there is a diagnosis for every idiosyncrasy there...

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Grandmother

Posted by on Nov 17, 2014 in Get Real, New Hope | 0 comments

Grandmother

L.T. Miller shares another scene in a continuing story about his adventures in (and coming out of) an ex-gay ministry. It was a warm and muggy day, unusually so for early spring. Beads of perspiration dripped from my forehead, and my dress slacks and starched shirt stuck to my sweaty body. I stood alone in the parking lot of my grandmother’s church, smoking a cigarette.  I was eager for this whole affair to be done with so I could yank the uncomfortable clothes off in exchange for my signature cargo shorts, t-shirt, and worn out...

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The Anointing

Posted by on Nov 10, 2014 in Featured, Get Real, New Hope | 0 comments

The Anointing

L.T. Miller shares another scene in a continuing story about his adventures in (and coming out of) an ex-gay ministry. Lord’s Land is nestled on twenty-eight magical acres near the town of Albion on the spectacular northern California coast. Central fields are surrounded by dense forests of firs and redwoods as far as the eye can see. Rhododendrons and lush ferns lurk hidden deep beneath their expansive canopies. About a dozen unique cabins dot the landscape, each a work of true craftsmanship. In fact, one of the cabins was built entirely...

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Beginnings

Posted by on Nov 3, 2014 in Get Real, New Hope | 0 comments

Beginnings

L.T. Miller shares another scene in a continuing story about his adventures in (and coming out of) an ex-gay ministry. I have always felt different – especially growing up in a small town. As old time southerners would say: “there’s something peculiar about that boy . . . he’s about as queer as a three dollar bill”. When I was a toddler in the early seventies, we had a gold sofa. My mom has snapshots of me when I was about four years old wearing one of the arm covers atop my head. When I look at these photos now – standing there limp wristed,...

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Love Defiled

Posted by on Oct 27, 2014 in Featured, Get Real, New Hope | 1 comment

Love Defiled

This is another scene in a continuing story about L.T. Miller’s adventures in (and coming out of) an ex-gay ministry. I felt as if I’d known him before – perhaps in a past life. Who knows? We became friends instantly. Quickly that friendship morphed into something more. We became brothers. We would joke that he was born first and my mother gave him away – and that, at last, we were reunited all these years later. It was 1996 and I can’t remember if men’s flannel shirts were in vogue then or not, but each of us had gone on major shopping...

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Mount Tam

Posted by on Oct 20, 2014 in Get Real, New Hope | 2 comments

Mount Tam

This is another scene in a continuing story that L.T. Miller will be sharing with us over the coming weeks about his adventures in (and coming out of) an ex-gay ministry. January 6, 1996. We hiked to the top of Mount Tamalpais – our first outing as a group. It was a gorgeous day –  no fog, not a cloud in the sky, and unseasonably warm. Once we reached the summit all of the new “converts” and I posed for photos. We sprawled ourselves around a big rock and smiled our cheesy grins while Damon, one of the leaders, snapped away. There in the...

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New Hope – A Coming Out Story

Posted by on Oct 13, 2014 in Featured, Get Real, New Hope | 4 comments

New Hope – A Coming Out Story

This is the first scene in a continuing story that L.T. Miller will be sharing with us over the coming weeks about his adventures in (and coming out of) an ex-gay ministry. I had been on the road for just under a week. Every emotion known to mankind kept me company. And then the moment I remember most clearly, that moment when I first caught glimpse of the Golden Gate Bridge – almost there. Oh my God, I thought to myself, what am I doing? I’ve quit my job. I’ve packed all of my belongings into the back of my truck, and...

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