Bringing you the best in independent LGBTQ writing on life & faith

Conversations With an Evangelical: “God did not make you that way!”

Conversations With an Evangelical: “God did not make you that way!”

Dec 15, 2015

Two years ago she and I got into a discussion, and after a while of mutual discomfort, she threw her hand in my face, and declared emphatically: “If you don’t know Jesus then I have nothing to say to you!” The words were spit out of her mouth with such condemnation, and before I had a chance to respond, she turned her back to me and stormed away. That moment in...

Cross-Country. Sparks of Hope Along the Dark Journey

Cross-Country. Sparks of Hope Along the Dark Journey

May 7, 2015

In this chapter, L.T. Miller picks up where he left off in “Dark Night,” describing his break with reality and the process of stepping back into the light with the help of his friends. The two weeks on the road passed slowly, and despite the pain, I look back almost eight years later and remember more good than bad. All along the way I had people on...

Dark Night

Dark Night

Apr 22, 2015

L.T. Miller shares another scene in the continuing story about his life — first in, and then after coming out of an ex-gay ministry. I’ll never forget March 6, 2007 as long as I live. Carolina blue skies reached out to the far shores of California where I was living, and the air was sweet, filled with the soft fragrance of jasmine and flowering plum...

Daniel & Jessica, the Straight Friends

Daniel & Jessica, the Straight Friends

Mar 26, 2015

I received a call from Daniel a few weeks ago. “Okay if Jess and I stop by for a bit on our way to Huntersville? Between 2:45 and 3:00? That okay?” “Would love it! Can’t wait to see your beautiful wife. I miss her. Been too long. Hope you guys aren’t in a huge rush to leave. Hang out as long as you want.” “I’ll give you eight minutes. I gotta watch...

My Straight Boyfriend

My Straight Boyfriend

Mar 4, 2015

I think I was about six when it dawned on me that there was something different about me. The epiphany occurred one Saturday morning when my mom and I went to a local hardware store to pick up some garden supplies. Once he caught sight of us, the clerk behind the counter remarked, “What a beautiful little girl! What’s your name sweetie?” I was mortified. From...

How ‘Bout Those 49ers?

How ‘Bout Those 49ers?

Feb 12, 2015

I am so grateful for my friendship with Chris. I am blessed that he has been a constant force in my life for almost twenty years; and although we live on opposite coasts now, our friendship transcends the thousands of miles that separate us. He telephoned me one evening shortly after Sergio and I moved to North Carolina in October of 2011. “How ya’ll doin? So...

Chris

Chris

Feb 3, 2015

I recently came across a letter Chris penned to me during our first few months in the New Hope Program. I will forever treasure the yellowed piece of paper with his handwritten words. Dear L.T., Water takes on many different forms. It rains down on a dry and starving land. It cleanses the wounds of those beaten, scraped, and wounded. In the form of water – I...

A Father’s Love

A Father’s Love

Jan 27, 2015

It’s been almost twenty years since New Hope’s family weekend, and there’s so much I don’t remember. I’ve pored through my journals and surprisingly I wasn’t writing much during that time. By that point, I think I had completely shut down and retreated more and more into my shell. All I know with any certainty is that my soul had plummeted into one of the...

The Visit

The Visit

Jan 19, 2015

I couldn’t believe that I had actually been granted permission to go and pick up Dad without a chaperon. Driving alone in San Francisco for the first time since joining the New Hope program was exhilarating. Treks into the city without a member of leadership present had been explicitly forbidden. And now here I was, enjoying a sense of freedom...

Dear Dad…

Dear Dad…

Jan 12, 2015

There were many sleepless nights during my time in the New Hope Program. I would often escape into the prayer room after the others went to bed and relish the solitude.  The décor of the room amused me.  As I sat there alone one restless evening – surrounded by an eclectic hodgepodge of plaid sofas, tacky lamps with yellowed lampshades, and ugly artwork that...